Self-love

With February being the month of love and romance we will all be inundated with propaganda, ideas and things to do for our significant other. However, I should like to discuss a different type of love; one that doesn’t require many sacrifices or results in someone being upset. I’m speaking about self-love. And not the type of self-love you discovered when you were a pre-teen. I’m talking about a deeper self-love that makes you unique.

Self-love is a noun that means to regard one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).Self-love is important to living well. It influences who you pick for a mate, the image you project at work, and how you cope with the problems in your life. It is so important to your welfare that I want you to know how to bring more of it into your life.

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect life fulfillment through our own efforts.

You may be asking yourself a question of how to grow or practice your self-love. There are many different opinions concerning this so please take into account these are just a few of my ideas. Take them with a grain of salt rather than doctrine and you’ll be better off.

First of all you need to become mindful. Mindfulness is another substantial topic in and of itself that we won’t delve into today. Being mindful is roughly self-explanatory; it isn’t much harder than mindlessness. Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations and surrounding environment. It also involves acceptance, meaning that we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging them — without believing, for instance, that there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment. When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.

Along with being mindful one needs to act on what you need rather than what you want. You love yourself when you can turn away from something that feels good and exciting to what you need to stay strong, centered and moving forward in your life. Set boundaries. You’ll love yourself more when you set limits or say no to work, love, or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually, or express poorly who you are.

Practice good self-care. You will love yourself more when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities like nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions. Part of self-care may be to forgive yourself. We humans can be so hard on ourselves. The downside of taking responsibility for our actions is punishing ourselves too much for mistakes in learning and growing. You have to accept your humanness (the fact that you are not perfect) before you can truly love yourself. Try to practice being less hard on yourself when you make a mistake.

Live intentionally. Whatever is happening in your life, when you live with purpose and design, you will love yourself more. If your intention is to live a meaningful and healthy life, you will make decisions that support this intention and feel good about yourself when you succeed in this purpose. You will love yourself more if you see yourself accomplishing what you set out to do.

Some may think that self-love will lead to narcissism or some debilitating characteristic. Like stated earlier, self-love is positive and beneficial, as opposed to the negativity associated with narcissism. Self-love can help battle many of our imperfections and help us to accept who we are as human beings. It can lead to improved relationships.

People who have self-compassion and practice self-love generally report feeling happier and more authentic in their relationships and thus, they may be better able to assert their needs and opinions. Further, those who first practice kindness and compassion on a personal level may be better able to show kindness and compassion to others and are generally more likely to do so, as the ability to care for and love one’s self generally indicates that one will experience a greater capacity to love and care for others.

The practice of self-love is associated with a multitude of benefits, such as greater life satisfaction, increased happiness and greater resilience. People with high levels of self-love have often been shown to overcome difficult life events, such as divorce, with more ease than those who are harder on themselves. The ability to affirm oneself has also been associated with improved problem-solving abilities and decreased procrastination because it can help individuals recognize the effects of negative habits and behaviors (such as procrastination) without leading to a thought pattern that is excessively negative.

As we all know, mental illness is rampant within our society and the risk of developing mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and perfectionism can also be decreased through the practice of self-love. This practice can also increase one’s optimism and may be helpful for stress reduction, especially in the face of various life challenges.

So please, this month try to be a little more self-loving. It’s good for you.

Information from this article was adapted from a talk given by Dr. Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D.