Gender-bent

“If lesbians and bi girls are attracted to other women, then why do so many of them dress and act like men?”

This is a common topic that I’ve heard time and time again from every kind of person – queer, straight, male, female, even other lesbians and bi women. It was easy for years to disregard it and change the subject, simply because I did not have a good, solid answer.

I recently overheard this yet again while meandering through the throngs of people at one of the concerts at Pioneer Park. For no apparent reason at all, the most obvious explanation presented itself in my noggin: Sexual preference or orientation is absolutely and completely distinguishable from gender identity.

Nobody would ever sit and discuss with their friends as part of an intellectual, stimulating conversation as to why Chuck Norris is more masculine than Justin Bieber. He just is, and guess what, they both like girls too (or at least I’m assuming so).

From personal experience, and in speaking with many other similar girls, the first statement about it is that for some of us, we choose to wear men’s clothing occasionally, or always, because it’s just more comfortable.

I figured the best person to consult about this would be someone who has firsthand experience in dealing with society’s response to both matters of gender identity and sexual orientation.

I have a friend named Rory Thompson. He loves to sing, he’s the biggest Queen fan I’ve ever known, and wants to one day design his own line of fully functioning prosthetic penises. I’ve personally known him for the past five years, and it has been unanimously decided that he’s a great guy all around. Rory was once a straight woman physically, and has, over the past few years, been transitioning into the body that he feels most comfortable in, as a gay man.

My favorite remark that he made was when he compared this argument to a heterosexual couple. If a straight girl finds a straight man attractive, then that doesn’t necessarily mean that she wants to start dressing and behaving like the men that she’s attracted to.

It’s so simple and so obvious, but I couldn’t have observed and articulated it better than he did.

He explained that the varying degrees of sexuality and sexual fluidity are comparable to the countless shades of gray in the gender spectrum.

“They say sexuality is fluid. Whether it’s, ‘I like girls today and guys tomorrow,’ or, ‘I like this particular type of girl today,’ it’s a similar thing with gender identity. One day I’ll feel like, ‘I’m going to go out to the garage and build something!’ and the next day it’s more like, ‘You know, the vacuum is just sitting right there and the floor is dirty, so I’ll just do it.’”

He continued on about how he, like everyone, comprises both masculine and feminine characteristics. He explained that because society is the way that it is, and has been for the past thousands of years, it is typically more accepted, and therefore more common, to find masculinity expressed in women rather than femininity expressed in men. A woman embracing her masculine traits is typically seen as feminine empowerment, whereas a man showing feminine attributes would be cast away from other men and seen as weak and inadequate.

So, this question that I’ve been asked by straight men, gay men, lesbians, straight women, President Obama, and Kermit the Frog, can be answered with a simple response. Everyone has a gender identity that likely varies every day, as well as a sexual preference that fluctuates just the same. If a person wants to further the neutralization of gender barriers, then why should there be any comment about it besides a high-five and a congratulations? I say way to go.

I once heard a theory that because of the further acceptance of interracial couples, racial and ethnic boundaries will become more and more blurred over time until eventually mankind will all be essentially the same race, with little deviation in skin color, cultural traditions, etc.

Gender variants can be compared to this race theory. Because of gender-bending and gender nonconformity gaining more support all around, that in time, there will be no gender boundaries either, and we we’ll no longer have to deal with this inane question in the first place. Fingers crossed.