Book Review
The Meaning of Matthew
Author, Judy Shepard
If you, like I, cannot think of the name Matthew Shepard without waves of emotion swirling through you, then the mere consideration of picking up Judy Shepard’s 2009 memoir The Meaning of Matthew will be, like for me, a difficult one. But once I had, I was captivated, and obviously emotional throughout the entire read. From the first page of the first chapter, Judy paints a hard-pressed, honest portrait of the real Matthew “Matt” Shepard, which takes his immortal status and adds what was his very mortal nature, down to the smallest details — “Matt was a horrible driver, and the last thing we wanted to do was to put him behind the wheel in Denver.” Such details about Matthew, plus Judy’s deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings that she reveals in the book, offer a stronger sense of the Shepard family than so many of us had learned through the news stories and the movie adaptations on Matthew’s horrific death.
To recount, Matthew, a 21-year-old college student, was severely beaten by two men and tied to a fence post, left for dead on the night of Oct. 8, 1998 on a rural road in Laramie, Wyo. Matthew had died four days later in a hospital bed, never regaining consciousness. Matthew’s sexual orientation was the defining motive behind his death. Matthew’s untimely demise has been instrumental, to this day, in redefining hate crimes law across the country to include sexual orientation.
Judy, courageously and eloquently, sheds a new and more accurate light on the all-too-short life of Matthew: From her and her husband’s whirlwind courtship, to Matthew’s premature birth and subsequent ailments, to Matthew’s post traumatic stress disorder (brought on after being raped at age 15) and subsequent reckless behavior. “I’m not sure that Dennis and I believed Matt as much as we tried to take him at his word. It always seemed like there was something standing in the way of his recuperation. … Whether he knew it or not, Matt sometimes stood in his own way.”
Judy also gallantly revisits the chain of events of that fateful night, the four days leading to Matthew’s passing and the prosecution of Matthew’s assailants. Nineteen hours after receiving the call from the hospital, Matthew’s parents, who were living in Saudi Arabia at the time of his attack, finally had reached his bedside. “What we found in the neurological ICU that day was a motionless, unconscious young man … His face was swollen and covered in stitches. We couldn’t tell if it really was Matt. … But as we approached the bed, Dennis and I saw that this was indeed our precious son. We could tell by the cute little bump on the top of his left ear. One of his eyes was partially open, too, and we could see its clear blue color.”
Also, while at the hospital, the Shepard’s had learned that Matthew was HIV positive. “I hate to say this, as a mother, but I don’t think I would have been a compassionate parent if I’d found out about his HIV status under normal circumstances. I would have been angry and disappointed that Matt hadn’t been more careful.”
Matthew Wayne Shepard slipped away at 12:53 a.m., Monday, Oct. 12. And another four days later, with widespread media coverage, one of the highest attended memorial services was held in Casper, Wyo. “I was — and continue to be — thankful for every prayer extended in Matt’s and our family’s direction. But when all that interest ultimately manifested itself in protests outside the memorial service, a guest list and tickets just to make sure my family members and loved ones could get a seat in the sanctuary,a SWAT team, and Dennis in a bulletproof vest, it was overwhelming and scary.”
It took just over a year for both of Matthew’s attackers to be tried for their crimes; the results — each were tried separately — turned out the same. But in the case against Aaron McKinney, the man who actually murdered Matthew, a full trial proceeding had taken place. McKinney’s defense: “Not of sound mind … couldn’t be held responsible for his own decisions.” Also, the defense even argued that McKinney went into “gay panic,” which “alleges that a suspect in a murder case was rendered violently and temporarily insane as a result of same-sex sexual advances.”
Matthew Shepard was murdered 12 years ago, this month. His story, his legacy, still thrive in the hearts and minds of thousands of people. But as hate crimes continue to plague this country, as revealed in the several recent suicides brought on by bullying — which I consider a hate crime — I am grateful for the daring and emotionally painful work that Judy Shepard is doing for the LGBT community, including putting such difficult and memorable words on paper, as yet another reminder of our continuing plight.