I Got Nothin’
Spring is in the air and I have this incredible itch — that not even my gigantic tube of RID can cure — to do absolutely nothing but sit by my 
blow-up kiddie pool in a leather G-string, sipping Deer Valley St. Germain Elderflower Cocktails, listening to Muse on my Coby Electronics Portable MP3 CD Player (I’m so old-school, it’s disgusting), internally debating who really discovered America and wondering if I would be a gentleman around Adam Young or just a slut!
3SATURDAY — Ririe-Woodbury Dance Company honors the “foolishness” in everyone at the annual Cabaret of Fools fundraiser. In the spirit of April Fool’s Day guests will experience something delightful, something delicious, and perhaps something even a little dangerous. In the spirit of the company’s words: “We’re fools whether we dance or not … so we might as well dance,” join them for a wonderful evening of entertainment.
6:30pm, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $75, 801-297-4236 or ririewoodbury.com.
5MONDAY — The single “Uprising,” off their fifth album The Resistance, has become a gay-club phenomenon. Tonight, the English alternative rock band Muse hits the Salt Lake City stage. These rather burgeoning boys are certainly becoming a source of inspiration.
7:30pm, E Center, 3200 S. Decker Lake Dr. Tickets $30–39, 800-745-3000 or theecenter.com.
6TUESDAY — Once a year, thousands of participants gather in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert to create Black Rock City, dedicated to community, art, self-expression and self-reliance. They depart one week later, having left no trace whatsoever. The impact of the Burning Man experience has been so profound that a “seminar” has been formed to see what it takes to call yourself a “burner.”
7pm, City Library, 210 E. 400 South. Free, burningman.com.
On tour promoting their sixth studio album, Sainthood, are identical twin sisters Tegan and Sara. Both are lesbians, but that fact is neither reflected in their music (a mix of indie pop/rock and New Wave) nor necessarily intrinsic to who they are as individuals. The album addresses secular themes of devotion, delusion and exemplary behavior in the pursuit of love and relationships. Opening are Steel Train and Holly Miranda.
8pm, In The Venue at Club Sound, 579 W. 200 South. Tickets $30, 801-467-8499 or smithtix.com.
8THURSDAY — Inspired by the the idiocrasy that is Glenn Beck, Plan-B Theatre Company’s Amerigo is an afterlife dark comedy, of sorts. As Amerigo Vespucci and Christopher Columbus squabble — which feels like an eternity — in Purgatory over which one of them actually discovered The Americas, the famed political theorist Niccolo Machiavelli calls upon Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz, a lesbian nun and poet/playwright, to act as judge.
8pm, through April 18, Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $20, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.
The Park City Area Restaurant Association presents the fifth annual Cocktail Contest, a hip, happening competition at which competing bartenders will prepare his or her specialty cocktail for a panel of distinguished local judges and the winning concoction will be declared the official Park City Signature Cocktail for 2010. FYI, the 2009 winner was the Deer Valley St. Germain Elderflower Cocktail.
6:30–9:30pm, Wahso Asian Grill, 577 Main St., Park City. Donation $10 at the door (includes apps and one raffle ticket), parkcityrestaurants.com.
9FRIDAY — Monsieur Jourdain, a middle-class tradesman, aspires to be something he is not — a member of the aristocracy. Everyone but him recognizes his ridiculous, bumbling stupidity. A unique blend of realism, fantasy, music and comedy, Moliére’s The Would-Be Gentleman depicts the chaos caused by Monsieur Jourdain’s aspirations.
7:30pm, through April 18, Babcock Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU. Tickets $7–13, 801-581-7100 or kingtix.com.
Sponsored by the Utah Rebellion comes the first annual Mr. and Ms. Rocky Mountain Olympus Leather Contest. Its purpose is to promote a positive image of the Leather lifestyle as well as to make all those who wish to be a part of the Leather community feel welcome in doing so. Anyone wishing to compete for the title should contact Andrew Love at andrew@slckink.com.
7–9pm, Meet-n-Greet tonight, 7–10pm Contest Saturday, Club Edge, 615 N. 400 West. Free, rockymountainolympus.com.
George Balanchine, a Russian pioneer in ballet, choreographed many well-known ballets like Don Quixote and The Prodigal Son. Ballet West pays tribute to the esteemed “balletmaster” with Balanchine’s America. The company will perform Stars and Stripes, Agon and Serenade.
7:30pm, through April 17, Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South. Tickets $17–71, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.
10SATURDAY — The Utah Blitz, an all-female, full-contact football team kick off their first game against the Las Vegas Showgirlz. This is a wily bunch of gals, so the game should be a hoot — particularly watch the unique talents of the Center, Donna “Sue.” She can beat the crap out of a constipated elephant with her bare hands!
5pm, Granger High School, 3690 S. 3600 West. Tickets $5 at the gate, utblitz.com.
11SUNDAY — After football on Saturday, join the Pride Community Softball League as it starts the new season today. Luckily for Team QSaltLake this is a low impact sport — we don’t like to get our pink uniforms dirty. Other sponsored teams include Club Try-Angles, Paper Moon, The Trapp and the reigning champs Bonwood Bowl — those little twerps are going to get their big old balls guttered by Q this year, dammit!
Times TBA, Jordan Park, 1060 S. 900 West. Free, visit prideleague.com.
12MONDAY — Adam Young is the hip and handsome electro/synth-pop artist known as Owl City. Young started out making music in his parents’ basement as a result of insomnia … lord, I know what I’d do to help him sleep at night! Anyhoo, the single “Fireflies,” though lyrically a bit cheesy, is catchy and fun. Plus, Young already has a large following (something like ten thousand lightning bugs … tehehe!) — nearly all of his upcoming shows are ‘sold out.’
6pm, Saltair, 12408 W. Salt Air Dr. Tickets $20, 801-467-8499 or smithtix.com.
UPCOMING EVENTS
APR 25 Ani DiFranco, Kingsbury Hall
MAY 7 Sugarland, E Center
JUN 10 Sting, USANA
JUN 12 Lisa Lampanelli, Peppermill Concert Hall, Wendover
JUN 12 Olivia Newton-John & Colbie Caillat, ESA
JUL 16 Paula Poundstone, Rose Wagner