Marina Gomberg and Becky Elenor: No Traditions, No Rules

Marina Gomberg and her partner Becky Elenor knew they were right for each other the night Gomberg’s housemate indirectly introduced them.

As Elenor tells it, the housemate had invited her over to hang out after his classes were through for the day. He had not told her, however, that his housemate was home and would be spending the evening with them. As the two waited in his room for him to show up, they found it difficult to ignore their mutual attraction.

“I remember feeling like there was this instant, magnetization, and I thought, ‘Man, I’ll probably never be lucky enough to have a partner like her,” laughs Gomberg, the Utah Pride Center’s Director of Development and Marketing. “Low and behold!”

“It was pretty fast,” agrees Elenor. “Sparks just flew. It was amazing.”

The sparks have been flying for the two for the past four and a half years. So fast and furious, in fact, that the two didn’t even need to propose when they decided to take their relationship further.

“There was no proposing,” says Gomberg. “We both had reached that point in our relationship at the same time. We were ready for the next step and that was it.”

The couple will take their “next step” on May 16, when they will marry at Memory Grove’s Memorial House. And just as their engagement didn’t begin with a proposal, their ceremony will not be entirely traditional, either.

“Because we can’t be legally married we really had to figure out what the reason was for having a ceremony,” says Gomberg. “It’s about being able to say to our friends and family, the people we care about most, that we promise to work through the good and bad times together and make that a life long commitment.”

To this effect, says Gomberg, the ceremony will have some features of a traditional, Christian ceremony, but won’t be “as traditional as a heterosexual wedding.” Both women will be walked down the aisle by their fathers, and they will have a ceremony that retains such familiar elements as vows.

Gomberg’s godfather, an English professor at Weber State University, and Elenor’s brother, Brady, will co-officiate.

“[Marina’s godfather] is writing a poem for us, and I think Brady will kind of talk about what the ceremony means to us …” says Elenor.

The two also have two bridesmaids and “two brides-men.”

“We call them our homos of honor,” Elenor jokes, adding that maids and men will each speak about the couple for a few minutes and “how they see us being together forever.”

The couple will take their vows wearing what Elenor calls “fabulous dresses and heels.” Gomberg will wear a white J.S. Boutique dress, Elenor a black Ron Herman formal that her two gay brothers helped her pick out.

But when it comes time for the traditional cutting of the cake, the two may very well end up feeding each other miniature crème brûlées or chocolate truffles.

“Neither of us really like cake,” explains Elenor, noting that bite-sized deserts and finger foods catered by Cuisine Unlimited will take the place of a sit down dinner and the traditional wedding.

The food, the low lighting and the emphasis on candles, explains Gomberg, is meant to give the celebration a “cocktail lounge feeling” which encourages guests to socialize and have fun.

 “We want a romantic, chic feeling to the event because we’re two girls and we both identify as girly,” she says. “We enjoy femininity so that’s part of what we want to bring out in the celebration.”

Although Gomberg and Elenor worried a little about the responses they would receive when shopping for food, rings and a location, they say that everyone from the Memorial House to the Vug where they purchased their rings has been “so great.”

“Some of them have expressed interest in doing commitment ceremonies because they feel like there’s a different feel there,” she explains. “It’s more fun, that’s what I’ve gotten. More fun in that you can do whatever you want, [that] there are no traditions and no rules.”

And fun, togetherness and joy are what the couple hope their guests will experience.

“To us the tradition of marriage isn’t what we’re interested in,” says Gomberg. “It’s more about talking about or commitment and having our friends recognize that.”